Inner Conflict

I am torn. Torn between two pathways. One pathway leads to being professionally developed. Something I have been missing, quite frankly, for my entire professional life. I yearned and longed to get better. I sought mentorship. I wanted to grow and not remain stagnant. I finally have that now. I learn something new pretty much every day. I am surrounded my geniuses. Although it can feel intimidating at times, it is refreshing after I'm able to grasp a new concept. In the past I was overworked and underappreciated. I began to hate my job. It was no longer something I wanted to do. It was more so of a burden. A task that I HAD to complete. Now, on this path I am appreciated. My hard work is noticed. I am told thank you. I am given flexibility and space to complete tasks. I am not micro-managed. They trust me. They realize if you hire smart, dedicated people then they have the intuition and drive to get their job done without the carrots and sticks mentality. I am able to explore new paths and I am compensated nicely. This is the dream. But there is another path. One that I was on before. One that I keep glancing at while walking down the other path. I am not sure if I keep looking back at this path out of nostalgia or if it's something deeper. I have a fear that it is the latter. The last path wasn't an easy one. It actually wasn't a healthy one. It was full of obstacles, hardships, pain, and stress. There were no thank yous and acts of appreciation. There was little trust and hence lots of micromanagement. This last path was a shitshow and I wanted off of it so badly. It was a path toward destruction. However, something in me enjoyed parts of that path. I liked all of the passerbys I came in contact with. I was able to make an impact in the lives of those people. That was very rewarding. That reward made all of the b.s. worth it. I am in a conflict between self and others. I can dedicate myself to others but along with that comes less money and being undervalued. There will be longer work days and hours. There will be more stress. But there will also be the ability to directly impact others. I can help change life trajectories for the better. I can dedicate my energy toward me. I can learn a new craft and get paid handsomely while doing so. I can work 40 hrs/week and then have time for a personal life...a life of minimal stress. I can travel and live comfortably. I will feel valued. But then am I really making an impact? Is my life meaningful if I'm not helping others? I don't know.