Inner Conflict

I am torn. Torn between two pathways. One pathway leads to being professionally developed. Something I have been missing, quite frankly, for my entire professional life. I yearned and longed to get better. I sought mentorship. I wanted to grow and not remain stagnant. I finally have that now. I learn something new pretty much every day. I am surrounded my geniuses. Although it can feel intimidating at times, it is refreshing after I'm able to grasp a new concept. In the past I was overworked and underappreciated. I began to hate my job. It was no longer something I wanted to do. It was more so of a burden. A task that I HAD to complete. Now, on this path I am appreciated. My hard work is noticed. I am told thank you. I am given flexibility and space to complete tasks. I am not micro-managed. They trust me. They realize if you hire smart, dedicated people then they have the intuition and drive to get their job done without the carrots and sticks mentality. I am able to explore new paths and I am compensated nicely. This is the dream. But there is another path. One that I was on before. One that I keep glancing at while walking down the other path. I am not sure if I keep looking back at this path out of nostalgia or if it's something deeper. I have a fear that it is the latter. The last path wasn't an easy one. It actually wasn't a healthy one. It was full of obstacles, hardships, pain, and stress. There were no thank yous and acts of appreciation. There was little trust and hence lots of micromanagement. This last path was a shitshow and I wanted off of it so badly. It was a path toward destruction. However, something in me enjoyed parts of that path. I liked all of the passerbys I came in contact with. I was able to make an impact in the lives of those people. That was very rewarding. That reward made all of the b.s. worth it. I am in a conflict between self and others. I can dedicate myself to others but along with that comes less money and being undervalued. There will be longer work days and hours. There will be more stress. But there will also be the ability to directly impact others. I can help change life trajectories for the better. I can dedicate my energy toward me. I can learn a new craft and get paid handsomely while doing so. I can work 40 hrs/week and then have time for a personal life...a life of minimal stress. I can travel and live comfortably. I will feel valued. But then am I really making an impact? Is my life meaningful if I'm not helping others? I don't know.

The Good and The Bad

It's been a while since I last wrote here. I've been journaling. It's been cool. Randomly thought of you so I moseyed my way here. There has been a lot on my mind. So let's get started. Recently, there have been crazy things going on in the world. And by crazy I mean people have been treating others with blatant disrespect and have just simply been cruel. Long gone are the days where you treat others the way in which you'd like to be treated. Long gone are the days where you sit down and talk with others to gain understanding. It's a dog eat dog world out there (Do dogs eat each other? I wonder where that saying came from...) Wars in various countries are scattered across the globe, mostly because corrupt leadership. Nations imposing draconian laws on its people. Nigeria, Uganda, and Russia (just to name a few) have began campaigns against their own people. They are going on witch hunts for homosexuals. If you choose to be brave and be different by loving someone who is the same gender as you you can receive a lifetime in prison or be put to death. I read an article yesterday where a man was burned to death while people looked on because he was accused of being gay. I'm being murdered left and right and no one seems to care. The justice system surely doesn't. Black boys are seen as a threat. We are dangerous. Not because we have committed a crime. Not because we are bad people. Not because we are mean. We are being killed because White people are afraid of us. They play into their fears and their prejudice has begun to take a form. The form of stand your own ground. I can never understand how you could hate or fear someone so bad that you are willing to take their life. Even those that I don't particularly care for would never receive the death sentence. If anything I pray for them or for understanding. Never death. Death is so permanent. Death never ends. Although terrible things are happening, I have ran across a few good things which definitely were needed. There was a man who tricked a homeless man into believing he had won the lottery. He won $1000. The homeless man was so grateful that he attempted to give the other man part of his winnings. The men began to cry with each other. It was a beautiful thing. It takes a special person to love unconditionally and an even greater person to act with love. I am appreciative of that video and for all those who have been inspired to do good. I read an article about how Utah is tackling homelessness. And surprisingly it wasn't arrest these people, ship them to some other area, fine them, or some other ludicrous idea. Instead Utah has begun acting with passion and a brain. They have set up a program where the give homeless people homes...for free along with a counselor to assist them with their hardships. I think they may have been acting more out of economic reason (it's more cost-effective to set up a homeless person with free housing than pay for ER visits/medical expenses) but I like to think they were just being humans beings helping out others human beings in need. I have more on my mind but I'll save that for another post.

Houston

Hey. So umm I'm moving to Texas. I'll be going to Houston for Teach For America. Yea boooi! Finally gettin the eff out of Michigan.

Kinda scared and anxious about the move but at the same time I'm ready for something new and different. I'm gonna miss my family. I'm really sad I'm gonna miss my two nephews growing up since CJ just turned one and Caleb is just now two months.

I'm gonna miss my frat as well. I love Eta Theta and all the ups and downs we've had. Despite stressing me out and constantly keeping me busy I-Phi has made me a better person and my chapter shits on everyone else out there *makes wet fart noise*

Of course I'll miss my friends and associates. I met some great people on this campus and I'll be sad to say farewell to most of them.

Thank God for twitter, facebook and texts unless I'd be one unhappy camper.

Bye Bye snow and economic despair Hello southern hospitality and adult life

Same 'Ol Same 'Ol

So I traveled to Orlando this past week for my birthday and to take a break from school. UofM is a b-i-t-c-h and it has a way of making the smartest people feel dumb. But it's cool, I have survived and I am about to graduate shortly and join the largest alumni base so it's all gravy.

While I sit in my room unpacking I realize that I am over Michigan. There is nothing left for me here. I have been here all of my life. Born and raised in Detroit, went to some of the best schools in the city and now at one of the greatest universities in our nation. I feel like I have sucked Michigan dry and explored all I can (or at least all I care to explore). It is time for me to move on to bigger and better things and Michigan is not in the situation to foster the growth I desire.

I want to meet new people. I want to see and experience different things. I want new friends. I just want to start a life of my own that is not based on Michigan. I am too familiar with this place and I have grown tired of it. UofM was cool the first two years but I feel like I have accomplished a lot here in regard to academics, social life and extra curricular activities.

Life here has become so mundane and repetitive. I need a new challenge. Something that excites and scares me. I loathe being bored which is why I stay involved in so many different things. However, I am now bored of this place and I can not wait to graduate so I can begin the next chapter in my life. I don't fear the unknown nor the future, I welcome it because some of the greatest things have arose out of unfamiliar settings.

Music Review

Aight so there's been a lot of music that has caught my attention as of late so here we go....

1. No Celings: Lil Wayne is a lyrical genius and all you have to do is listen to his new mixtape. My favorite song is probably his rendition of Swag Surfin although there are some other ones that get heavy rotation.

2. Graffiti: I still don't like Chris Brown since he feels it is alright to put his hands on a woman but his new song Crawl has me anticipating his album. I think it's supposed to drop in the beginning of December. I saw the album cover and it's pretty dope.

3. Lupe m'effin Fiasco: His mixtape is supposed to drop around Thanksgiving. I don't think there is a title for it evwen though it'll be available Nov 25th. Lupe is my ish and is the best rapper around. He has the flow and the content so I'm definitely awaiting this date. He has done songs with Chris Brown and Diddy so I wonder if they'll be on the mixtape.

4. Rated R: Rihanna is a lil angry mofo after C. Breezy got in that ass. I heard most of her album and she's pretty raw. Some of the songs I'm feelin while others seem out of character. Every time I listen to my favorite song, G4L, I wonder where was all this toughness when Chris went WWF on her.

Ahhh! It's Alive!

I do not know how, why or what the fuq Beyonce was thinking when she decided to do a song with the monster from the Blue Lagoon. And by monster, I mean the creature known as Lady GaGa. I do not like her or her music...at all. This video just proves how garbage she is. Beyonce is still bad but I feel like they were trying to be TOO different. Not to mention the seizure I almost incurred as I watched the first part of the video wit all those damn flashing lights.

Video Phone

Untitled

If I were to be truly me, would you accept me?

Whole-heatedly?

Or would you talk about me behind my back when no one can see?

Would you still respect and love me unconditionally

Or would you treat me disrespectfully?

Am I really ready to give it up willingly?

The chance at peace and normalcy.

I don't know, I know how people are

Staring and acting like you're something so bizarre.

Someone said I'd rather be me than anyone else

but is that really the truth?

Before sleep, I'd like to see how they really felt.

The world hating them for being true

The problem isn't them, clearly it's you.

How dare you think being you is okay

Fix yourself, get it together and get ready to play

The game of life. Not for them to be comfortable I say

but for you so you can survive from day-to-day.

On to the next one

I have a bad case of senioritis right now. I don't want to go to class...do work...sit in lecture or read anybody's articles. I just want to move on to the next stage of my life. Ann Arbor is soooo whack to me right now. I've been here for four years and I'm over it. I'm over the people, the city and everything about this place. Yea I'm gonna miss my friends, the open-mindedness of its residents and the other things it has to offer but I just want something new. Personally, I get tired of things quickly from TV shows to relationships. I just don't have the attention span to devote me energy to one thing for an extended period of time.

I am excited and anxious about graduating. Excited because I need a new scenery and will be departing Michigan immediately but anxious because of the job market and the economy. I am one step closer to Teach For America so I'm hoping all goes well and I am chosen to teach our future leaders. I am still debating whether to go somewhere warm or stay somewhere cold. Being in a warmer climate I would be happier because I dislike the cold and it would benefit me health-wise. However I have more family and friends in colder places and it would be closer to home compared to the South or out West.

I just need to be me, meet new people and enjoy life which seems impossible here at UofM.

Lights, camera, ACTION

If you know me then you know that I am a very closed off guy who keeps to himself. Yes I have tons of friends, associates and frat but only a chosen few truly know the real me. I am a realistic type. I don't get emotional because I feel like emotions are useless. Maybe it was the way I was raised. There is no doubt that my family loves each other and we are close but I can't recall ever telling my parents I love them or vice versa. And the thing is that I don't need to hear it. It is implied and I know they do. For me actions speak louder than words. The last phrase really speaks to my character and may be the reason I don't care for feelings. Yes you can weep, exclaim or have joyous outbursts to tell me much you care for, love or respect me but if you don't act on it then they are simply just words and a waste of my time.

Okay you say you are my best friend but if you don't act like it then I can tell you don't value our friendship. You may proclaim that you're my frat but if you lack brotherhood then I have no interest in building our bond. This is not to say I'm a mean person at all because I give everyone an opportunity and then some. I just have come to a point in my life where I am realizing there are a lot of irrelevant people in my life who are trying to play a major role in it. If you really do want a lead then be sincere, honest, patient and most of all remember that your actions speak louder than words.

What's good wit TRILL

Aight so Trill has been ghost lately but we've been workin hard for yall.

*Check out the new music video for "Better Believe It" featuring Boosie, Jeezy and Webbie. If you haven't heard it in the club or on the radio, it's a hot new single.

*Boosie's album drops SEPTEMBER 15th so make sure you cop that when it hits the stores. Also Boosie will be on Radio One's Russ Parr Bus Tour along with artists such as Bobby Valentino, The New Boyz, Hurrican Chris, Dorrough, Ace Hood and others.

*Check out MTV's article about Boosie and the making of his video for "Better Believe It."

*Here's the new joint from Webbie and Lil Phat, "Do It Bigger"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KanE2FVGFro



Aight that's all for now. Check out the info above and lemme know what you think.

As always thanks for your continued support.

Help a Brotha Out!

I was randomly thinking about the current state of black people and this is what I have concluded (this should apply to all minority groups despite race).

If you know me then you know I'd be the first person to point out that social injustices exist to this day despite all the movements, civil rights leaders and laws and policies put into place in our country. However, sometimes enough is enough. Yes "the man" is alive and kicking...yes it is hard for any minority to succeed in American society. Specifically racial groups that exist in the United States due to the fact this country was founded and built upon racism. To go even further it is particularly difficult for African Americans because of the distinct Black-White relations and the brutal past Blacks have had in this country. I say all of this to show you I understand the plights of our people however it is time to stop pointing the finger at the White man. Yes we have had a very unfortunate past but it is time to make the best of our present opportunities to ensure a fruitful future not only for ourselves but our children. I will be highly upset in my old age if my people grow content because they see Obama as "making it" and the peak of our achievement. Yes electing Obama to the highest office in this land is remarkable but can our entire race not long to achieve success such as this.

We have ensured that one of our own has attained his dream by becoming the 44th President of the United States but now is the time to aid our general population in achieving their goals even if it doesn't pale in comparison to Commander in Chief. Once upon a time in American history our people were self-sufficient- this was a time after Emancipation and before integration. They were self-employed, they conducted business amongst each other and there were multiple black cities and towns that flourished throughout this country. Blacks made sure that others that looked like them succeeded by supporting each other in all facets of life. However, shortly after the Civil Rights Movement ended so did this progressive behavior. (One may say this was caused by the end of segregation but that's an entire blog post within itself.) One thing is for sure...we don't support each other like we need to. One person's success is meaningless if he/she isn't willing to share it with others. We'd rather steal, kill and degrade each instead of uplifting one another. And if you look back fifty or so years, this kind of behavior isn't getting us anywhere. We are still suffering from poverty, poor education and crime. So I challenge you to lend a helping hand to your brother or sister because what's the point of "making it" if you don't have others around you to enjoy it with.

"Yes, societal issues exist within our country but placing the blame on others will only get us so far. It is time for us to invest in our culture, our people, and ourselves if we intend to progress."

The Black Man

I just got finished watching a video clip of some teens eluding the police while driving recklessly, endangering lives on their joy ride. What got me thinking and upset was the response of the cops after the teens were finally caught. From what I could tell from the video they were not handcuffed, even if they were it doesn't matter. The police offers were actually calmly standing next to the perpetrator(s) having a conversation with them. They inquired were they hurt, why they did this and other foolywang. Not to my surprise these teenagers belonged to the privileged class in this society...meaning they were White.

From all the videos I've seen in the news where Blacks were being pursued by cops, never have I ever seen a police officer have a normal and sincere conversation with them. I am by no means saying the Blacks didn't break the law but I'm simply making it aware that the law works differently depending on the color of your skin. When Blacks and Hispanics are engaged in criminal acts they are automatically seen as dangerous and cops shoot first ask questions later. It's no secret that minorities have been injured and killed for less than eluding the police and reckless driving like these White teens from Howell.

What comes to mind are stories where a Black man was killed for just reaching in his pocket because the cops thought his wallet/ID/whatever was a gun or pulling a Black man out of his car and holding him to the ground with a knee in his neck because he fits "the description" of a wanted criminal. In a society that is based on racism and racial discrimination it is evident that the law does not work in my or any Black man's favor.

The sad thing is that many of us really do try to do well and dispel the stereotypes set upon us but when you are constantly told that you are worthless then is it any wonder that the Black man is in his current situation?Is it any wonder they are more likely to be sitting in a prison or grave because it is easier to find shelter in a jail cell than in the real world or find a gun and drugs than to obtain a job?

And even when the Black man has "made it" people have preconceived notions of his past, present and future. I've seen the visage change on a person when I tell them I attend UofM on the Ann Arbor campus because behind their pupils they quietly (sometimes not so quietly) assume I'm only there because of affirmative action or some sports scholarship. Or in the corporate world they assume you are only there to fill some quota because it could never be a possibility that you are actually qualified for the job.

Don't get me wrong there are good people out there who don't place these stigmas on Black men nor do they exercise discriminatory practices against them but unfortunately it doesn't take an individual or two but a movement to excite change.

I have a love-hate relationship with America...however most of the time I feel myself despising her. :)

Me...right now

Aight so I'm bored and feel like talking about myself lol. So this is what's on my mind:

I was re-reading "The Golden Compass" but I decided I needed to blog and take care of some business...an hour or so later I'm still blogging...womp.

I'm over clubs. Ish was fun when I was in high school and freshmen year in college but I honestly don't like them and would prefer to chill at a bar/lounge or a house party any day.

A lot of times I don't speak my mind to be nice. I never really regret doing so.

When I get mad, I get extra quiet. I NEVER talk about my feelings regardless of how close we are, especially if I feel like nothing will be accomplished by doing so.

I'm a very private person. If you know about my family, history, goals and ambitions it means we are gonna be friends forever and I've known you for a while/trust you. If not...don't be offended, like I said I'm a private person.

I am actually very knowledgeable about random things but people may never know it because I don't like to be aggressive or overwhelming.

I'm only sarcastic to people I like. If I don't joke around with you then...sucks to be you! lol

'tis all for now.

4th of July- Chicago Style

Snap, crackle and pop! I went to the Chi for Independence Day 1. because I didn't get enough of the city when I went earlier this summer 2. because Michigan sux balls and 3. to visit my lil homie, Tracey.

I went with Tony, Emily and Che...four hours in the car with these clowns, especially Lache makes you a stronger person at the end of the day, lol nah they were coo and I had a good time. We were supposed to leave at noon but Che didn't get there til thirty after which caused me to participate in the CP time too and we didn't end up leaving campus til after 1...womp! But we go there safely and surprisingly traffic wasn't bad so I can't really complain (although I probably will).

We got to Chicago and realized everybody and they momma from the state of Michigan was there so it really wasn't a get-a-way but more like a four hour field trip. We hit up the Cheesecake Factory and after being there countless times I STILL haven't had a slice of cheesecake from there because I'm not paying $7+ for a sliver of dessert. The food was good until later on that night when I had food poisoning or something. Ish hurt so bad I actually tried to make myself throw up but iFailed big time so I just suffered the rest of the night. We ran into Ryan, Will Bos, Donnie, Chika, and Trav randomly and they were drunk as hell. So i basically lived my night vicariously thru them since I just wanted to curl up into the fetal position. And that's exactly what I did when I hit the couch.

We didn't see the fireworks. We didn't sight-see. We didn't go to the Taste. And we didn't do touristy things. But we did club, we did go shopping, we did almost get hit by a reckless [Chicago] driver and I did get toasted beyond belief so I would say it was a pretty great time.

Where's the Funny!?!

Aight so I just saw this video today and iDied...ish is that funny. I had a good laugh so I hope you will too. I couldn't embed the video so you're gonna have to do it the old-fashioned way and follow the link. -----> click me, I'm funny (Funny)

Check me out!

I'm gonna try something new and try to update the blog with new and upcoming things whether it be music, fashion, people, etc.

To start this topic off...I'm gonna start with something old yet new. This is a website I just recently was made aware of. It's the site for my boy Ayo. You may or may not know but outside of doing waaaay too much at UofM he is a poet. And he's actually dope (if you've heard any of his work you would know). Anyway, he just got a site so people can check out his craft. He has some of his work on there so you can listen to it for FREE and then you can also buy his new CD he just released on there too. So check it out at Ayo In Motion BOO-YAH...and enjoy!

I'm TRILL Homie

Aight so if you didn't know I want to go into marketing and promotions after college. I plan on working in the entertainment industry speciafically the record industry along with nightlife i.e. clubs. Me and BJ aka B Jax aka Brittney plan on starting our own firm also. This of course after we get our capital and experience up but it's a goal nonetheless. In order for me to do this I am currently working with Trill Entertainment. For all of yall who don't know this is the record label Boosie and Webbie, among other artists, are on.

I just started working with them about a month or so ago and so far no complaints. But I do need your help and so let me know what you think of their music. If you haven't heard...Boosie is coming out with a new album entitled "Superbad: Return of Boosie Badazz." So far he has two singles out Loose As A Goose and Better Believe It ft Jeezy and Webbie. So check out the links and just let me know what you think by leaving a comment on this post-good or bad lol.

(You can also join the Facebook Group and lemme know what you think about Trill as a label, their artists or their songs. Since Trill is an independent label you can trust that yo opinions do matter and it'll get back to the label through me..yea boi!)

But 4real gimme yo opinions so I can do my job! haha

Recently Played (On My iPod)

Hood Music- Right now I'm feeling Ice Cream Paint Job by Dorrough. Honestly it has no substance but it has a nice beat and I can vibe to it. If he sounds familiar he's the same dude that sings Walk that Walk.

Oldie- I was randomly listening to 92.3 and The O' Jays came on. I can't say I'm a fan because I never followed their music like that but I do know a few songs of theirs and this my friend is my sh*t!





Random- So it's a tie between these two songs. If you've seen Juno then you've heard "Anyone Else But You" and if you listen to gospel music or saw the BET Awards then you've heard Mary Mary's "God In Me." So I'm gonna go ahead and post both of them. I like the first song because it represents my silly personality. Although I'm a critic of religion as an institution, I'm still a believer and the second song shows that plus the song bangs!

Anyone Else But You



God In Me

BET: Do Better

So here's my issue with the Black Entertainment Television network. First for years they have focused mainly on depicting stereotypical images of the same people they are supposed to be representing. The countless hours of music videos that are played (or that was once played seeing as I haven't been a frequent viewer in quite some time) is ridiculous. Videos of blacks glorifying sex, violence and drugs in the morning, noon, night and every where in between that.

I need the station to promote positivity while also showing an accurate representation of Black people. Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy watching music videos from time to time but after a while it becomes overbearing. I don't even think BET has its news show any longer. Outside of short clips that highlight some major event every once in a blue moon the station doesn't educate its viewers on the news. Yea I understand it's Black ENTERTAINMENT Television but when you are rarity such as this network you have a bigger responsibility.

The entertainment is cool but educate, inform and inspire our people. Give them a reason to want to do something with their lives outside of becoming a rapper or singer. Stop glorifying and reinforcing the negative images set upon our people. Videos that constantly portray our women as sexual objects and men as violent thugs and social deviants. I loved the idea of College Hill but as I watched it I realized they seldom showed the students in school. However they focused on the drama and the beef between the roommates.

Lastly the lack of originality within the network saddens me. It makes it seem as if Black people don't have the power to create, invent and expound upon things because of their programming. "College Hill" seems like a spin off of "The Real World", "106&Park" "TRL" and even this new show I saw today "Tiny and Toya" looks very familiar to "The Real Housewives of Atlanta."

I applaud the effort of the station because at times it does seem to attempt to create positive but then there's the numerous images they depict that nullifies it all. BET stop claiming to be the "Black station"if you don't step up to the plate and act as such. The Black experience encompasses more than just an entertainment aspect, our culture is richer and runs deeper than that.

The D

Hmmm let's see what I can rant about today. Well the weather as of late sucks. It's kinda like a reflection of Detroit lol. Don't get me wrong I love my city, born and raised here but things are looking pretty dim for the Motorcity/Motown. I don't know if either nickname is appropriate for the city. I haven't seen the true Motown except for in history and the building (which I believe is on Grand Blvd). Outside of that Detroit is no longer the epicenter of music like it once was. It is a thing of the past which can be recalled through listening to old albums of the number one hits. And Motorcity. The only positive thing about that name nowadays is the casino on Grand River. The Big Three are no longer so big, all trying to survive this recession and the end of the Industrial Age. These car companies employed thousands of people and seemed to hold the very fabric of Michigan's economy together and with its absence we can see how well things are turning out.

In addition to white flight, the brain drain and an absence of retailers and quality education Detroit is looking pretty glum. The only thing it seems to be doing well in is unemployment, violence and terrible schooling. BUT even with its flaws I must point out the positive because the city and the people are honestly great. If you've made a trip to Downtown lately you'll notice how things have changed within the last 5 years. It is actually looking like a downtown rather than a bunch of abandoned buildings. The museums seems to be flourishing and the schools in the area seem to be doing well (Wayne State, Creative Studies school, of course Cass Tech [lol] and a new school for the arts is being built down there). I love driving around downtown. You see the Fox and the sports arenas . Then you go down a little further and you're passing the People Mover and on both sides there a new stores surrounding you. And on top of those are lofts and condos for people who have faith in the city and want to be in the midst of it. You pass more clubs, stores and restaurants until you hit a dead end. Cobo is to your right and if you make a left you'll be riding alongside the river with the newly renovated riverfront. You can see the Windsor skyline in the distance and Belle Isle is a few miles down.

The city has potential and lots of it. There is beauty in Detroit, you just have to know where to look.